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When I was just a baby my father died. My older sister had an Elvis poster a closeup of his face, on her bedroom wall. This image would trigger a wish that Elvis was my daddy. I didn't understand that he was famous but the kindness that shown through his eyes in the poster was all I needed. I would often ask "Mommy, why don't you marry Elvis."? A few years later, I went to see an outdoor Jackson 5 concert in Montreal at an amusement park venue, certainly not the biggest venue around. A new group, The Commodores, a band I had never heard of, was the opening act and I remember screaming my head off when the lead singer, Lionel Ritchie, announced to the crowd that he was a Gemini. Did I even understand astrology? No, of course not. But there was a connection and this is what excited me.
When the Jackson 5 came on, I danced and danced non-stop until the show was over. I was so small, I don't think I was even able to see them on the stage. I was on the grounds, my sister sitting on the seats behind me. I was lost in a world of music, only able to listen to Michael and his brothers. But I had enough space around me to dance all by myself. I cared not of being alone. I had a feeling someone was watching me. I was so young I must have looked out of place but I felt the connection. Michael was my first crush and I remember after that J5 concert, I could not fall asleep at night. I was love lorn and would fall asleep with a Tiger Beat poster of Michael under my pillow. For years, I wished that he and I could kind of one on one dance together. He had an almost Fred Astaire elegance about him even in black leather.
Elvis would die when I was in Italy vacationing during summer break. I remember seeing an Italian newspaper and reading "Elvis Morte". But I assumed it must have been his father. Elvis was simply too young to die. I was all shook up.
Years would pass and indeed when Thriller came out,I was thinking, "Oh it's you again." How you doing, Michael? But the truth be told, I was never as connected to Michael again in the same way, not because I didn't love his new music but simply he was like an old familiar face. It was now the time for another even bigger audience to discover the new MJ. He was more like a friend coming around the old neighbourhood to say "Hello". Michael was already important to me and now the world was catching on like never before.
When the news flashed that Michael died, "Michael Jackson est Mort" I was somehow not phased but not because I didn't care, not because I didn't think he was special anymore. I perhaps unconsciously had felt that Michael had been gone a long time ago. Of course when I hear his music now everywhere I go from car stereos blasting down my street to the grocery store, it is painful and I wish they would stop playing the music. It's hard to hear his voice these days. Soon enough this phase of mourning will pass. It has occurred to me that indeed, my wish did come true. I did dance with Michael, in a frenzy of groove and creative spirituality at the outdoor amusement park so many years earlier. My wish had happened but I didn't realize it until Michael died.






